Excuse Me, Miss, Your Whore Is Showing
by Insane and Knows It
Summary: Marianas Trench Slash Fic!- Josh/Matt: 'Of two things I was absolutely positive: One- The news woman that had been assigned to interview Josh was a whore. And Two- If she didn't stop flirting with my boyfriend, I was going to be arrested for murder.'


**_Um...I...uh...yeah._**

**_I have absolutely no reason for why this is written. I typed it up in legitimately eleven minutes, just to celebrate getting my computer fixed, so yeah. :D It sucks. BUT DON'T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM READING IT!_**

**_Yeah. So. _**

**_I should have more stuff up in a tonight/tomorrow span (so if you were one of the people I owe a request to, MY COMPUTER'S FIXED AND I'LL HAVE IT UP SOON! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!), so if you really hate this, well, first that's mean ;), and second, I'll more stuff that I put more thought into up very VERY soon!_**

**_SOOOO. I'm going to get some more coffee now. (Who cares if it's midnight, I'm walking to Tim Hortons!) I'll have more shit for you when I get back, so no need to panic! :D_**

**_WARNINGS: I swear WAY too much. There's not much of a plot. And, unfortunately, Josh Ramsay and Matt Webb are not owned/ruled/locked in the basement of, me. Yet. *Insert evil laugh and finger pyramid of mystery.*_**

**_Enjoy! :D_**

_**..**_

_**..**_

Of a few things I was certain.

One- The whole 'secret relationship' thing, is now where near as romantic as people try to make it out to be. (As a matter of fact, it's actually fucking painful.)

Two- The news woman that had been assigned to interview Josh was a whore.

And Three- If she didn't stop flirting with my boyfriend, I was going to be arrested for murder.

_**..**_

_**..**_

"Thank you very much for being here, Mr. Ramsay," the news-girl purred, a seductive (or, in my opinion, _gross_) smile plastered across her face.

"It's my pleasure," Josh replied, grinning back at the blonde, who giggled.

"The pleasure is a hundred percent _mine_," she cooed. "We'll be going live in about five minutes."

"Okay, thank you." He smiled again and she giggled again, turning her back on him to discuss something with the camera man. Josh shook his head, turning as well and walking across the grass to where I was standing. "I'm back," he said, spreading his arms wide. "How much did you miss me?"

I managed to smile, despite the feeling of I-Have-To-Murder-That-Girl that had taken control of me the moment I laid eyes on the news-woman...and the moment she laid her hands on my boyfriend.

When I didn't say anything, said boyfriend (not that I have any others!) frowned. "Are you okay, baby?"

I narrowed my eyes in the direction of the cow- er, news women. My bad- and scowled. "Fine."

He looked over his shoulder, in the direction I was glaring, only to catch her eye. She beamed, and he smiled slightly, nodding at her. When he turned back to me, he rolled his eyes, as she continued to stare at him- only now, because he wasn't facing her, she was only staring at his ass.

Whore.

"I might have to kill her," I noted, relief washing over me when she finally stopped checking out my boyfriend and turned back to the camera man.

Josh laughed. "Oh?"

"Yes." I sat down, stretching my legs out in front of me. "I would really like her more if she was dead."

"I know you would," he laughed, sitting down next to me.

"You think I'm kidding," I said. "I really don't want her alive anymore."

"You're just jealous," he teased.

"Well, yeah."

He blinked jokingly. "You mean I was right about something?"

I sighed. "She gets to flirt, and stare, and-" I made a face. "-_touch_ you. I get too _close_ to you, and I have managers and producers on my ass, screaming about keeping '_us_' a secret, because they don't want to lose and fans and money to _homophobia_."

"Selfish bastards," Josh grumbled.

"And the result of that? I get to sit here, and watch my boyfriend get eye-raped by some fake blonde, who looks like a shining example of what would happen if adult-clowns and broken Barbie's had children." I snorted. "I hate this. And her."

Josh laughed. "I really hate this too. And I'm not a huge fan of her. And that was probably the most acurate description of a person I've ever heard. But-"

"No. There's no arguing to be had here. I'm going to kill her."

"It's a for-sure thing now?"

"Yup."

Another laugh fell from his lips. "Well, I applaud you're determination." He looked at me sideways. "I _really _wish I could kiss you right now."

"Where's _your _determination?"

He shrugged. "I left it in my other pants."

This time, it was me who laughed. But before I could get any words out, the blonde girl -who greatly resembled an ostrich- shouted, "Josh!" We both looked over at her, and she motioned him over.

He looked at me. "And that's my queue."

I pouted. "Boo."

Smiling, Josh stood up, and brushed off his pants. "It'll be fine. Might as well let her have some fun before she dies, right?" I tried not to smile, and he laughed. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Sending one last smile my way, he turned, and made his way over to where the cow- girl, sorry- was standing.

Beaming at him (with all the make-up, she looked _a lot _like The Joker), she hugged him. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

"Okay." This time, it was the camera man who had spoken, and he held up his hand. "In five...four...three..."

The last two seconds were silent, and then without warning, the clown-cow-Joker-ostrich-Barbie girl turned her nauseating smile to the camera. "Hello everybody! Welcome to 'Celebrity Talk'. I'm your host, Callie Anne." Her smile widened. "Today, we're here with Canada's own; Marianas Trench's front man, Josh Ramsay. Hello, Josh."

She held out the microphone to Josh, who smiled. "Hi."

"How are you doing today?"

"Fine. Yourself?"

"I'm doing great." She smiled again, and I suddenly felt bad for everybody watching the show. "For the next hour, we're going to be discussing Josh's life- his music, his hobbies, his-" her look was sly "-lovers. Does that sound about right?"

Josh blinked. "...sure?"

"Okay," she said, either completely ignoring Josh's awkwardness, or being just too stupid to notice. "Let's get down to business. Your music. For people who haven't heard of Marianas Trench, why should they check you guys out?"

He sent a quick look my way, before smoothly murmering something about meaningful lyrics or whatever. I admit, I wasn't paying too much attention, between trying to kill 'Callie' (that name was way too pretty for the clown-ish looking women) with my eyes, and staring at Josh.

"That's wonderful. Really convincing. You're quite well spoken."

"Um, thank you."

"Well it's true." She beamed. "Next is a question that's been on everybody's minds lately- are you currently seeing anybody special?" She fluttered her eyelashes as he spoke, and it took everything in me not to throw up.

Fuck, I hated that whore.

"Um, No, I-" Josh stopped, his eyes moving from Cow-Women to me. He locked eyes with me for a minute, and smiled. "I am, actually."

Our managers and producers and whatever the fuck our other people were shifted behind me, and I could feel glares on my back and on him, as they all murmered, "God, _what _is he doing?"

"Oh, you are?" Cow-Women grinned, looking ridiculously hopeful.

'WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE DATE YOU?' My mind screamed at her. 'YOU FUCKING IGNORANT WHORE! YOU LOOK A CLOWN! YOU'RE WEARING MORE MAKE-UP THEN IS STOCKED IN NEW YORK! WHOOOOOORE!'

"Yes I am."

"If you don't mind me asking, who is the lucky girl?"

"Guy, actually. And in our case, _I'm _the lucky one."

Dumb-Blonde blinked, obviously not following the complex words my insanse genius of a boyfriend had laid out. "I...I don't understand," she muttered, and I snorted.

Stupid Whore.

"What don't you understand?" Josh asked innocently.

"Who are you currently dating, Mr. Ramsay?"

"I, at the moment, am currently dating Matt Webb."

I swear to God, a few of the 'Selfish Bastards' (Josh's words, not mine. I'm not _always _negitive) behind me passed out. I'm not even lying.

"Matt Webb?" Barbie-Clown girl blinked again, looking crestfallen. "Who is she?"

"_He_," Josh corrected with a snort, pointing at me, "is Matt Webb." The camera panned toward me, and I waved awkwardly, not knowing what else to do. "He actually plays guitar for Marianas Trench. You know, the band you said you knew everything about."

"You're dating _him_?"

I raised an eyebrow at her furious words, as Josh did the same thing. "I am, actually. Is that a problem?"

"Yes! He's...you...guy...and..." She stopped rambling suddenly, cutting off with a laugh. "You're joking, aren't you? This is a joke?"

"No..."

I turned my head, looking behind me to see the 'Selfish Bastards' flailing frantically, motioning for Josh to shut the fuck up. I laughed. "Um, Josh?" I called over to him. "They _really _want you to stop talking!"

"Oh?" He looked at them, and shrugged. "Okay then." Grinning, he winked at me. "I _guess_ I could stop talking about Matt and I's relationship, if you guys would like. I don't understand _why_, though. I didn't even say anything that bad. I didn't get into the hot sex, or why we aren't allowed in most public parks anymore-"

"This has to be a joke..." The Dumb-Blonde Of The Year, murmered, mostly to herself.

"Which part of it?" Josh asked. "Because I really am dating Matt, the sex really is hot, and the only reason I'm allowed in this park is because of this interview."

She made a face. "But you can't... you aren't gay!"

"I'm not? God, I totally forgot you knew more about my sexuality then I did!" I laughed, and Josh snorted. "Are you serious?"

"I don't believe you," she said stubbornly, and I couldn't help but glare at her.

Stupid Stubborn Whore.

"Would you like me to prove it?" The people behind me were still frantically trying to get him to stop, and, looking behind me, I saw almost all of them mouthing, 'NO!'

Josh didn't care.

With a lopsided grin, he walked over to me, beaming and holding his hand out. He helped me to my feet, and I raised an eyebrow as he wrapped his arms around me, subconciously snaking my arms around his neck as I tried to ignore the camera's. "What are you doing?"

"What?"

I motioned behind me. "They're going to kill you. Was it worth it?"

"You looked miserable, Matt. And you have no idea how much it hurts to be the reason the one you love is miserable. So when she gave me the chance to make it better, I took it. Plus, I knew you would like seeing her upset."

I laughed. "That w_as _pretty awesome."

"Everything I do is awesome."

That's about when he kissed me. The rest of the people behind me passed out, and the cow- I'm not even going to correct myself this time- screamed angrily. I couldn't care less. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I kissed him back, automatically melting into the embrace. Fuck, I loved him.

After who-knows-how long, we finally pulled apart, both of us grinning, and out of breath. "We're never going to be allowed in this park ever again, you know," I told Josh, and he beamed.

"I know. Which is why we should probably leave _right_ now."

"Well, if it means we get to go home..." I said with a grin.

Josh's smile widened, and he laughed. "Wow, I'm dating a pervert."

I laughed. "Hey, you said it yourself- the sex is hot. But seriously though, we should get out of here before they come to-" I pointed behind me "-and Barbie-Clown girl kills me, and rapes you."

"Well, if it means we get to go home..." With the same grin I had, he stepped away from me, taking my hand before turning and waving at the cameras'. "This was fun," he told them, "But I'm going to head out now. Thanks!"

We began to walk away, laughing as Ostrich-girls voice screamed after us, "NO! I'M SORRY! COME BACK! I _KNOW _IT'S A JOKE! NO! I'M KIDDING! I LOVE YOU! _PLEASE_! THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE MY SHOW OFF THE AIR IF I DON'T GET ONE GOOD INTERVIEW! I'M _SORRY_!"

I snorted.

Stupid Whore.

_**..**_

_**..**_

**_DA-NA-DA-NA-DA-NAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_**

**_Well. That was that. What did you think? Love it? Hate it? OMG THAT WAS SO BAD MY BRAIN IS BLEEDING AND YOU SHOULD NEVER WRITE AGAIN? (I will anyway, so feel free to tell me that if it's your honest opinion ;))_**

**_Before I run off to Tim Hortons, I would just like to thank everybody that has reviewed for everything I've written, or favourite-d, or even just enjoyed. The love just drives me insane, and it means so much to me, I can't even tell you. Thank you all!_**

**_Much Love,  
>Many Reviews *HINT-HINT, COUGH-COUGH*,<br>And Whatever Else Flows Good In This Rant,_**

**_Van X3 _**


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